Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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