you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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