tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
