i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
