a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Is it penis luge time yet?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
