why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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