Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
