My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I'm really busy with my period
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