im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
