there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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