then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
