I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
