So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
