Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize