you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
the condom got lost in my hair
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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