you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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