Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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