don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
