I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
