if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
