Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
