2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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