I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
