If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
we're so committed to being not committed
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
