I CAN MOONWALK!
I think I am morally bankrupt
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
