Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
