I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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