You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
