I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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