its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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