I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
