wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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