Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize