She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
