Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
