theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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