She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
