ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
