I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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