he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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