Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
