redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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