The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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