I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
