And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
