She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
