im six kinds of drunk right now
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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