well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I think i got beer on your cat.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
