i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
