just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
