Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
