So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
