You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
