Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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