You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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