You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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