What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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