we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I AM VODKA MAN
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
