How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
birth control should be required to get into college
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize