and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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