dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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