i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
