No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
