exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
What changed your mind?
Being sober
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
