we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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