Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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