i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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