i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
