I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
should my penis look like a turkey
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
