JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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