this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Is Oprah even human
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