What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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