Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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